If you're to separate the marketer from the technician you need to know their language. I cover the technician's language on other pages of this site. What follows here is just some of the marketing speak to watch out for.

    1)  The Cheap Service Call

A cheap service call is a marketing lie? As a famous politician would say, you bethca! Let me explain...

In these parts an experienced technician costs $45 an hour or more to employ. Throw in considerable overhead and it's obvious that $55 or some similarly low service call fee isn't enough to cover the cost of sending a qualified technician to your home. On the other hand $55 will pay for a recently paroled convict that got his “mad skillz” in work rehab. In any event, whether you get the convict or just one that hasn’t been caught yet he will be doing something fairly expensive to your furnace or air conditioner whether you need it or not. There are bills to be paid. $55 does not pay them.

Proponents of the cheap service call myth say that it’s a loss leader. I don't think so. Loss leaders only work to your benefit on commodities, not service. You can walk into a Walmart and buy just the loss leader if that's your wish. No one can force you to buy more. But when it comes to your HVAC system you have no such luxury. The repairman holds all the knowledge and will manipulate you as he wills. What may appear to be a loss leader in this trade is usually a form of bait and switch.

Can you get an honest diagnosis on the cheap? Maybe. However, without a strong referral from a known source you're playing a numbers game. Call the unknown cheap guy out and those numbers, those odds, turn against you.

2)  The Free Service Call with Repair

It's a cliché that rings true: There’s no such thing as a free lunch. The total bill from companies that offer a free service call with repair will probably be higher than from companies that play it straight. Behavior is thematic. If a contractor is willing to fib to get you to call (like saying he wants nothing for the time spent coming to your home and diagnosing your problem) then he’s also pretty likely to pad the bill after you’ve called.

For the “free service call contractor” padding the bill is an inevitability because of scenarios like this: What if the problem with your furnace is just a tripped reset button caused by an unusually windy day? I've serviced furnaces with that exact problem many times over the years. Because I charge $100 to come out I'm content with the $100. But if the contractor says that the service call is free with repair, he’ll have to charge $100 for pushing the button to make the same money. You can then legitimately complain that $100 is way too much for pushing a button. After all, the trip is supposed to be free with repair. Free service call contractors avoid such conflicts easily. All they have to do is condemn some expensive part; install a new one; push the reset button while you’re not looking; and you're none the wiser.

3)  No Charge for After Hours Service

Call on someone who says they'll give you something for nothing (if they actually worked after hours for no extra charge, that would be something for nothing) and you'll probably face one of these two scenarios:

A) You call and hear the following: “That’s correct. We don’t charge extra for after hours service. Unfortunately we’re booked until Monday at 9 AM. How does that work for you?”

B) Or you may very well get someone to show up at some ungodly hour for that amazing $55 price I talked about above. But then it doesn’t really matter much to the boss if he has to pay his man overtime. He’s charging more than enough to cover it. They may tell you that their pricing is flat rate. But even flat rate pricing is established through a time and materials formula. A low hourly rate for such a formula might be $150 an hour. A lot of HVAC consultants are recommending $200 an hour on up. Most big shops are charging that much and more.

The bottom line is this: If you can get them to show up then technically speaking it may be true that you're not paying extra for after hours service. However, is it really true when their regular hourly rate is $250? Be skeptical if you must, but such rates are commonplace amongst large HVAC shops. Throw in part markups of two-hundred to five-hundred percent... add in the fact that their service men are trained to push new equipment and bogus services every chance they get... and I'd say the real truth is that you're paying the equivalent of after hours service every hour.

4)  Same Day Service or It’s Free / On Time or It’s Free

I'm sure by now some of you must think I'm a real drama queen.  :^)  That's only because you haven't spent years on the inside as I have. The hustlers in this trade will promise you anything you want. And they do so convincingly. To know them on a superficial level is to like them. On the surface they’re the epitome of the all American guy next door.

Same day service is just one of many things they glibly promise. Quite often it's a promise they can indeed keep. I do same day service calls all the time. But naturally it's an impossible promise to fulfill 100% of the time. When a heat wave or a cold snap hits there are always going to be backlogs. As a result they’ll end up paying out on that same day or it’s free offer. But it doesn't matter because their only concern is that you've made the appointment. They don't care how they hook you, only that they have hooked you. You'll still pay for the repair. And therein lays the real payout. To paraphrase one consultant’s opinion on the subject: “When you’re charging $250 an hour plus 500 percent markup on parts, who cares about the lousy service fee?”

The same applies to being on time. If they’re late and end up forgoing the service fee they really don't care. If they can’t get you coming they’ll always get you going.

5)  Duct Cleaning

Duct cleaners promise cleaner air, improved system performance, the removal of dust mites, elimination of mold and mildew, improved health and finally… a map revealing the location of the Holy Grail. OK - So they haven’t offered up the map yet. But that’s only because they limit themselves to the fanciful stories they think you’ll believe.

The reality is that they deliver dirtier air. They may make system performance worse by damaging your ducts. Dust mites rarely live in your ducts because they're too dry. The same goes for mold and mildew. And of course since they don't actually improve air quality they're not doing anything for your health either. What they are improving is their bottom line. The indoor air quality side of the HVAC business runs very healthy margins. At least something is made healthy by their service.

Yes, yes. I know. Neighbor X had the service done and they raved about it. All I can say is that P.T. Barnum was right (even though the "sucker born every minute" line wasn't actually his). But should you wish to be more charitable then we can chalk it up to the placebo effect. Back when heart surgery was experimental studies were performed to determine its effectiveness. Some patients got the real deal. Some just got a slice down the middle. I think you already know the result. A very small but vocal minority of the latter group proclaimed with joy how much better they felt. If fake heart surgery can “cure” a few nutty patients, duct cleaning can cure a few nutty neighbors.

6)  The Biannual Maintenance Agreement

As a homeowner you may have heard:

“Well sir or madam, as you can see this trumped up repair will cost you the righteous amount of $595. But if you sign up on our most awesome maintenance agreement you’ll save 15% on that price (that we recently raised by 65%) and I’ll get a $30 spiff. You'll also get priority service. We always prioritize suckers like you. When I return to do the maintenance I’ll put on an awesome little dog and pony show where I buff the furnace, overcharge the air conditioner and fine tune nothing. You’d really be doing me a favor because we need filler work to stay busy during the slow season. Plus, when I return I’ll get yet another chance to foist bogus services on you. You’d be doing yourself a favor as well because you’ll think that your system is running better. After all, perception is reality. And I’m perceiving me a nice commission check!”

OK. So you didn’t hear that. But if they were to mend their forked tongues that’s what they’d be saying. When contractors talk amongst themselves about residential maintenance agreements there’s one thing they don’t talk about: the actual benefit of twice-yearly maintenance to the homeowner. It’s been proven that residential maintenance agreement customers buy more, buy more often and shop around less. A customer who has a maintenance contract forms a sort of psychological bond to that company. As a result the money flows. That the maintenance agreement actually benefits you or not is irrelevant.

Does your system actually need twice a year maintenance? No. A single yearly visit to service both the furnace and air conditioner is plenty. And quite often you can get away with less than that. One very large and famous HVAC manufacturer has acquiesced to as much. But you won’t hear about that because without the twice a year maintenance agreement contractors wouldn’t have as much filler work. They have two slow seasons every year. Hence the maintenance agreement customer gets two visits every year. To add to the charade most maintenances are performed very poorly. Ask them if they've checked superheat or subcooling. Ask them if they've performed a combustion analysis. Ask them if they are even capable of checking such things. Then watch them stammer and tell you how such fundamental procedures aren't actually needed, that is if they even know what you're talking about.

7)  “Our brand is best. All others are junk.”

One of the most well practiced lies amongst equipment hustling salesjerks is that their brand is best and all others are inferior. The salesman said that last year when he was selling windows. He said it the year before when he sold siding. I can't speak to windows or siding, but when it comes to HVAC the differences between brands are more cosmetic than anything else. Most OEMs source parts from the same suppliers. They use the same technologies. Certain brands may offer features that others don't. But in terms of quality you simply can't prove that one brand is better than another. Even the consumer magazines have acknowledged as much. They simply can’t account for the single most important factor that determined the results they got. That’s the contractor.

Get it straight and get it now or you condemn yourself to mediocrity: When it comes to HVAC you are buying a service first and a product second. The best and / or most expensive equipment you can buy will perform horribly if installed by a lousy contractor. Conversely, the cheapest equipment you can buy (other than perhaps some relatively new and unproven overseas imports) will perform well if installed by a good contractor. The contractor specifies, orders and assembles the components of your system. The contractor is your system builder. The multinational corporation that put their brand on the front is a parts supplier.

To analogize: You can buy the same new Mustang from any Ford dealer and get the same quality car. Now imagine if Ford shipped Mustangs in a dozen parts that the dealer had to specify and assemble. If that were true you'd find that the Mustang from one dealer would be nothing like the Mustang from another. One dealer might hire $15 an hour halfwits to put their cars together. Another might hire $45 an hour craftsmen. One might specify cheap aftermarket parts for things you can't see. Another might insist on quality all the way. If that scenario were true of all car makers then you'd stop worrying about which brand to buy. Instead you'd be very worried about the dealer. Replace cars with heaters and air conditioners and that's exactly how this trade works. Find the best contractor first. Then work with the brands that he sells.

8)  “We have highly trained specialists.”

I’ve heard it and so have you. You’re on hold with the full page ad HVAC company. While cheerful music plays in the background an eloquent propagandist tells you that they have highly trained technicians on call to serve you. In this case it's absolutely true. Most consolidators (shops that have been bought up by national chains) and consolidator wannabes (franchises and independents that act no different) have monthly and in many cases weekly training sessions. The topic of training? Sales!

You can show me a long list of two and three letter abbreviations behind your name. But the fact of the matter is that when it comes to HVAC the consolidators are smarter than you. They have degrees too. And it is their mission in life to separate you from your money in a highly specialized field that you know nothing about. So what have these PhD's of deceit figured out? They’ve learned that of all the employees an HVAC shop has, it is the service man that you trust the most. He’s the problem solver. He’s there to help you. As such the consolidator masterminds have dedicated inordinate resources to training their service men how to lie, cheat and steal… err – that is, sell.

Of course the technicians and installers have some basic technical training. A small minority of HVAC shops will actually exceed basic training. But more often than not the real technical training happens on the job through trial and error on the customer’s equipment. In other words, trade school is being held at your house and on your dime. Bosses in this trade are infamous for their reluctance to pay for technical training. They lament that if they pay for training then their employees will quit and take that training to their competitors. And for others they simply don't like paying for non-billable hours. So most shops do very little technical training. But sales training? Abso-frickin-lutely! It’s a win-win situation. The boss wins bigger sales. The employees win spiffs and commissions. And you? Well... someone has to pay the winnings.

9)  “We’ve been in business for X years.”

One of the most oft cited credentials in the Yellow Pages is how many years a company has been in business. The implication is three fold. First, the idea is that they’ll be around to back their product. Second, if they’ve been in the trade that long they must be good at what they do. And third, such longevity must mean they’re honest. After all, surely a crook’s ways will catch up with him eventually – right?

On the first count there is some truth. If they’ve been in business a long time they’ll probably continue to be. But counts two and three bear little resemblance to reality. There are limitless ways to botch the HVAC trade. I list 31 of those ways as it relates to installation here. It is a fact that all 31 points can be done wrong without the customer ever knowing it... at first. When it comes to honesty that too is easily compromised. Even though furnaces are simpler, people know more about their cars than they do their furnace. With such rampant ignorance amongst the customer base it’s easy to fool them. And for the few that aren’t fooled it matters not to the corrupt contractor. Metro areas have millions of potential victims.

What’s the real key to a contractor’s longevity? Marketing. All other factors pale in significance to that one and that one alone. You find a company that’s been in business for decades and, with rare exception, the ONLY thing you can know for sure is that they know how to sell. Technical ability and strength of character are of secondary importance to the success of most large companies in this trade.

10)  Miscellaneous

Certifications, BBB membership and the like have as much to do with marketing as they do any real assurance. They’re better than nothing. But don’t rely on them solely.

Guarantees are also as much about marketing as anything else. “Industry exclusive guarantees” are not based on what a contractor thinks he can do better than the competition. They’re based on what he thinks will titillate the potential customer.

The contractor that you get referred to by most manufacturer websites has one thing going for him: He sells a lot of equipment. Some of the most corrupt contractors I know are factory referred. Conversely, some of the best contractors out there will never be referred by an OEM website because they don’t hustle enough equipment.

Most attempts by HVAC contractors to improve your air quality are ill conceived and poorly implemented. Slapping an expensive filter on your furnace and doing nothing else is more placebo than useful.

Most free estimates are worth what you pay for them. The salesman will give you a song and a dance and some pretty glossies to remember the occasion by. He might even give your dog a Milk-Bone. But what few give you is an engineered solution that fits your needs.

Energy savings is one of the great canards of the trade. They will promise you substantial savings using formulas that have nothing to do with your home or electrical usage.

Closing Thoughts

What's written above is my opinion. I don't speak for anyone else. Nor can I objectively prove 100% of my assertions other than to say that in many years of working this trade I have quite literally experienced everything I spelled out first hand. However, I suspect that I don't need to prove them all. The truth has a way of just sounding right.

Some say that I'm an ill tempered contractor with an axe to grind. They might be right.  ;^)  But while they're busy questioning the messenger, the truth shall be told. Freedom can be found in truth. It's my goal to liberate my brother in whatever small way I can. And of course I do get a kick out of tweaking the noses of my corrupt peers.  :D

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